I have always been a negative person. If it could break, I’d break it. You can’t spill it?? I’ll spill it. New top, I’d rip it or stain it. If it were bad it would happen to me. I even used to tell my husband if I expect the worse, then I won’t get so disappointed. And, if it came out good/positive, then it was a real surprise!! Right? It is a choice.
You could say that I chose to be negative although I didn’t look at it that way. I never really looked at being negative as a choice. It was more like; I have brown hair and brown eyes — that sort of thing.
I had to go to the Social Security office last Wednesday. And as I was driving, I saw one farm field after another, flooded. Of course, some worse than others. I got to thinking about how much of a mess it must be. Dirty, wet, and nasty.
A few houses I saw had water on all sides. I wondered how they got in and out. I even saw an old RV sitting in a small pond of water. I didn’t believe it was one that was still used, but still.
I saw creeks and rivers flooded, and some actually out of their banks. Everything looked wet and ugly! Not the kind of scenery one usually sees in October.
Once I got to the Social Security office, and got my ticket, I looked around the full room, found myself a seat. I knew this was going to be a while; after all, it was Friday. Which was fine, I had some reading to catch up on.
Occasionally I would lookup. Some people had appointments –“I didn’t know you could make an appointment at the Social Security office.”
I saw the nurse from my Rheumatologist office sitting up in front of me. I wondered if she was there because my doctor is retiring on December 21st. And he was closing his office for good. During my last visit there, I asked the nurse if she was retiring too. She sighed and said no, she had to start looking for another job. I wondered if her being at the Social Security office had anything to do with her being unemployed soon.
Then there was this one gal; that was letting her toddler run all over the place. The mom would follow, just in case, there was a fall. Nonetheless, it distracted me from my reading.
There was a guy behind me that kept leaning forward, reading what I was reading on my phone. I don’t know why it was probably boring for him — affiliate marketing research.
They kept calling out numbers, over the intercom, but none were close to mine, at least not yet. Or they’d call someone’s name. Occasionally the person wouldn’t show up. Whether they stepped out for a smoke, or just left, tired of waiting–I looked at it as helping the process move along.
I found myself thinking negatively at just about everything I saw, or I would think about. Which made my reason for being at the Social Security seem even worse. I had put off this visit for three days, would much rather be home studying. Or working on my website and writing this article, anything but where I was.
Finally, They Called My Number
I read on their website when looking up their office hours that the usual wait was 20 minutes. Twenty minutes my foot. But after about 35 minutes, they called my number. I didn’t get to accomplish what I had hoped for. They stopped dad Social Security last month. So now I have to go all the way down to Florida and take care of this.
Before I left, I did ask the guy, once this got all taken care of, how long does it usually take before my dad receives his automatic deposits. I’m thinking 6 to 8 weeks. Best, ten business days. But nope, he said 3 to 5 business days. So I did leave with some positive information.
Heading Back Home
I wasn’t looking forward to having to tell my dad what I had learned. He’s hard of hearing and has the beginnings of dementia, so not only do I have to talk very loudly, I often have to repeat myself or ask him to repeat what I just said, so I know he understood what I told him. At times, it can be very frustrating.
Then I got to thinking about the long drive down to Florida from Indiana. I hate that drive. It’s so long. I was thinking all negative, and then it hit me! Once I go down to Florida and help dad straighten out his affairs, I can call my oldest daughter. She just moved into her new home weekend before last. I’ve only seen pictures so far. I can go to Ft. Myers and see her new home!
I Made the Choice
Then it started coming back to me. What happened to the choice I promised myself? What happened to finding the positive in most things? So I made a choice. I want to be positive. I like myself better when I’m positive.
When I’m cynical about myself, well, I can beat the hell out of myself–but I’m used to it. Being negative is as involuntary for me, like my breathing or blinking. I’ve done it all my life. And I’m not a fun person to be around. I now know how I must have made people feel because now I can only handle being around a negative person for so long. Usually, I can jump right in and join along with the negative banter. But now, I get a nervous, fidgety feeling, and it affects me physically. Besides being all nervous and uneasy, at times, my heart rate would go up. I’ve also felt ill to my stomach. Or I feel a headache coming on. It’s like the deer in the headlights. I got to leave and leave now. Get far away from whoever or whatever it is that’s bringing me down. Times it feels like a constant battle.
Mind you; I have been working on this being a more positive person for several years. And I still slip up. It’s easy. It is a choice. I like being and having fun. After all, my days are numbered, and I want to spend them as healthy as I can. Being positive, thinking positive. Seeing positive in all that is around me and being positive and happy! It is a choice. One that I’ve made for myself. And I will continue to make for myself!
So, Let’s Rewind
Let’s put a twist on these negatives. It doesn’t have to be all shiny and brand new, just positive. On the way back home, I saw the same flooded farm fields. Then thought, at least it’s not time to plant or harvest. The mess will dry up. At least the kids are in school, not having to be stuck in the house, cause of all the rain and flooding.
That RV in its little pond, luckily the water didn’t get inside the RV!!
And I know for a fact, that those houses that were surrounded by water on all sides, well it has happened many, many other times in the past. A few times even worse, then what I saw today. And I’m sure they stock up all the time, so they don’t have to worry about having to go anywhere once the water rises. They have all the necessary things that they would need.
And I’m pretty sure these creeks and rivers were way worse before I saw them, so they’re starting to go down. And now, while writing this article, I can bet they’re even lower, if not in their banks now.
My rheumatologist’s nurse could have been at the Social Security office, cause she’s learned that she can afford an early retirement after all. That’s something my husband and I have been discussing the last couple of years ourselves. As for as my Rheumy retiring…good for him. He’s 77 years old. He told me he’d been a doctor for 53 years. That’s impressive if you ask me. And he didn’t leave me hanging. He lined me up with several rheumatologists in which I can pick from, and he’ll forward my records to him/her. I’ll miss him. He was the doctor that diagnosed me with PsA over 16 years ago. But all is good.
That gals little toddler who was running around. Well, she wasn’t running. More like she just learned how to walk, and mommy was following along, just in case. At least the toddler wasn’t actually running and screaming and tearing up the place. I know all of us have been around that kind of ruckus before. Her mama didn’t just let her run wild.
And at least that guy behind me had good enough eyesight even to see my phone. I struggle with it at times. So kudos for him. And maybe he learned a thing or two about marketing.
As for my wait at the Social Security office, really, if you think about it, 35 minutes isn’t that long of a wait at all. Heck, I’ve waited longer to be seated at a restaurant.
As for dad’s benefits, we can fix that, and everything will be OK. He was distraught he lost them. I knew he didn’t, but he still worried about it.
What I’m Trying to Say Here
For me, being positive is a better choice. It’s so easy for me to be negative, and I don’t like everything that comes along with it. If I can look at something in a more positive light, why not? Now I’m not talking about making everything all shiny and bright every single second of the day.that’s not realistic. Nor would I want to, that would be too much, lol.
A kid I used to work with lost everything when Hurricane Michael went through Panama City, FL. He had just moved down there several months ago. He had all of his belongings in storage while he was living with his grandparents. We’ve all seen and read the stories of the devastation that this hurricane left behind. He was down in the dumps, cause, where he had been living, was gone. His car blew up cause a tree came down on it. And most of the new friends he made, since moving to Panama City, have relocated because Panama City has a lot of rebuilding to do. I had to remind him that his grandparents are alive. So is he and all his new friends he made. He’s back home here in Indiana, so he had someplace to go where a lot of his new friends did not.
It is looking at a bad situation and shedding the dimmest light on it, which can make it look all different. In today’s age, it is so easy to be negative. It’s all around us! I choose not to be negative and be more positive. Is it always isn’t always going to be easy, but is anything worth having ever easy?
As I mentioned, my days are numbered, but you can bet your hind end; they’re going to be as positive, happy, fun, & relaxing, as can be!! It is a choice. My choice! There are a lot of things that are a choice. And some I don’t have a choice on. You bet I’m going to choose when I have that option! It is a choice.