As we get older, it can seem difficult to deal with what can come with aging. Not to mention unsettling, intimidating, unnerving, frightening, discouraging, disheartening–I could go on and on. It can be daunting! And we have experienced it, at one time or another. I know I have,
For me, at times, it’s been challenging. Often discouraging and demoralizing. One time, I remember being at the mall with one of the girls. We stood in line to order pizza, and everyone was waited on, but me. I felt I was ignored. I had to put my hand up in the air to get someone’s attention. That made me hurt and angry. That’s the first time I questioned if it was due to my age. Probably so. Unfortunately, that was not the only time. But, the fact that most of the customers were pretty young girls. And most of those helping those girls were guys. Enough said there. It can be daunting.
The Death of a Loved One
I can not speak for myself, but I have known people who have lost their husband/wife/partner. The loss of a loved one is devastating for some. One day you are married. The next day you are single, alone, and grieving. And that’s only the start. There will be decisions, forms to fill out, phone calls to make, arrangements to be made, shock, loneliness, anger, confusion, fear, a broken heart, and depression. One can only imagine if they’ve not been through this themselves. To say you know what they are going through when you have not been through it. It is best not to say anything!
When my father lost his 2nd wife, I flew down to be with him. He was a mess. Besides what I’ve stated above, he could not stop crying. He was so heartbroken. He was so lost. The pain that he was in, well, honestly, he scared me. He couldn’t do the simple things of taking care of himself. Thank goodness, my uncle came to give me a hand. I think having his daughter and brother around made a difference for him. He was able to lean on us. We were his support system because his deceased wife’s children only complicated everything. Eight years and another divorced marriage, he is doing better. It just took time for him. How much time differs from person to person.
Some say it doesn’t last forever, even though you see no end in sight. I’ll include a few links that some may find helpful. Please, if you want to, leave a comment below, and not only will I answer, I will keep you in my prayers.
- When the Loved One You Cared For Dies, What Comes Next?
- The Loss Of A Loved One: How To Get Through It
- Why it’s important to let yourself grieve a loved one’s death
There is help out on the internet for you. I know you don’t need to be told how you are feeling; you know that all too well. There are many articles, as well as books, podcasts, forums, and message boards. You don’t have to go through this alone.
This issue, I think, has been the hardest for me to deal with. My arthritis got worse. My toes are fused. And the same for my fingers on my right hand. I am still learning how to do simple things differently. And I get so angry at times. I know what I am going through is probably very minor to what some of you may be going through. But, for me, it is a struggle.
I eventually could no longer work. My last job, retail management. I knew I wasn’t performing at 100%. I was not capable of pulling my weight, and I knew it. A few years back, a former boss of mine suggested I try applying for disability. No way–I didn’t want to hear it, and I wasn’t going to do it!!
Well, I finally accepted that I could no longer work and function at 100%. Heck, not even 80%. I could not do displays on the walls, because I could no longer climb a ladder. I have very little balance. I moved kind of slow on the register because of my hands. Couldn’t help unload the truck, when a new truck came in. My strength had been dwindling for some years. It was just very disheartening. I finally applied for disability. Its been over two years, and after two denials, I am waiting for a court date, which can take up to 18 months to schedule. I do not see myself getting approved for these benefits, although I’ve worked my whole life paying into it — rant over regarding that. Except for my right hand is disfigured, I don’t look sick. You can not see my pain.
I am in some sort of pain every day. It has become part of my life. Some days are worse than others. I’ve dealt with this for the last 12 years. I took pain meds for about four years. It got to where I could get a prescription for pain meds from my pain doctor, but good luck trying to fill it! During that time, I was in the worse kind of pain ever. That is when I decided to do some research.
I learned all I could about Psoriatic arthritis and went from there. Inflammation is the leading cause of my pain. 90% of our inflammation comes from our gut. What helps best with inflammation is Omega 3. I have an article about that here if you would like to read it. So I take fish oil supplements as well as a probiotic pill-for my gut. I Take vitamin D as well cause it helps with skin–my psoriasis. Also, for my psoriasis, the sunshine does wonders for it. So I try and get outside, at least once a day.
As of November 2017, I have not taken any opioids. I started using CBD oil (article about it, is coming soon), and it has worked for me!! I could not be happier. My everyday pain isn’t as severe as usual. I mainly can make it through my day. I’m down to taking the CBD oil twice a day. But, it does not work with a flare-up, which I learned last Spring when my rheumatologist decided to change my meds. I take Humira, to slow the progression of deterioration to my joints. I’ve been blessed.
Please, if your health is not good, use the internet and learn everything you can about your illness. Don’t go by just what your doctor has told you. There are so many other avenues to be considered. I am not a doctor, but I have found many articles on herbal remedies, supplements, and diet. Am I cured?? No, but for the first time in 15 years, I have takin’ back control when it comes to my health. If I can stop the symptoms, in my case, the inflammation, I can stop the pain. Or at least lessen it.
Use the internet and empower yourself. Get the knowledge to help you make better decisions, possibly. If you’re seeing a doctor, discuss what you have found. See what he says.
I believe doctors don’t want us getting better, for then we won’t need them. Except for our checkups, they’re not making as much money. I know that’s awful to say, but I swear it’s what I think. And don’t get me started on the pharmaceutical companies.
There are so many things that are out of our control. The loss of a loved one and sometimes our health. Such chaos and anger in our world today. I refuse to let those things or my age affect me or my way of life. Even with my health, I have choices. I have the opportunity to make changes in how I react! I know this sounds like B.S. to some. And if I read this six months ago, I probably would have closed the page. I wasn’t ready, I guess.
But I am now. I am tired of letting everything around me affect me negatively. I’m tired of always being negative and complaining. All I want out of the second half of my life is to be happy! You don’t need money to be happy. Remember that old saying, “money can’t buy happiness.” It’s about the choices we decide to make. Or don’t make! It all begins with YOU.
For years, I wallowed in my pity over my health issues. I was so depressed. But the health issues were still there. They didn’t magically go away. And at times, making it even worse for me. I was always telling my family that I hurt. Constantly!! I started to feel and sound like a hypochondriac. I was told to take some Aleve or Tylenol. That made me so angry. Hello, might as well ask me to take smarties–cause the Tylenol and Aleve did nothing for me. My emotions were all over the place. Then I started menopause! That too will be a future article, I’m sure. I had no control over anything in my life.
Almost all of us can make changes. But you have to want to make changes. You need to decide if you’re ready. And what changes do you want to make? Now, don’t be unrealistic and say I want to live in a bigger house, or drive my dream car–that requires dedication. What I’m talking about is choosing to be happy. It’s simple. But how?? Right??
I started listening to motivational and positive videos on YouTube. There are tons of them. Or try Spotify, you can find podcasts. Listen to what you find. Now, not everything you find will do it for you. I watched a lot of videos, and when I wasn’t feeling it, .it was time to move on. When you find that one that makes you go AHA….add that video to your YouTube watch list. Then listen to it every day. I listen to mine or look for new ones every morning. I get my coffee; I go to my back office, I check my emails, answer those that need replies. Then I check my blog for comments from visitors. And I answer them. Now, I’m not always hearing what I’m listening to. But what I do hear, that’s helped me to change. What I do not hear today, I may hear tomorrow. It’s given me a new perspective on many, many things. And ideas as well. I have made a morning list of positive affirmations.
I am determined
I am happy
I am healthy
I am positive
I am smart
I am strong
I am successful
I am talented (last updated 10.29.18)
That is it. And I say them throughout my morning. It starts me with a good foundation for that day. Sometimes I’ll say one or all of them when I find myself having negative thoughts. Especially negative thoughts that I think about myself. I am horrible about that. At our age, we tend to have old, sometimes negative, recordings that play in our heads. You stub your toe, and a recording might play-d’oh I am so stupid for doing that. I saw it sitting there’, ‘ I am so clumsy’ or ‘can’t you do anything right’? Those are just examples, but those recordings play, whether you realize it or not.
To change, we have to re-train our brains. Have I lost you yet?? Or have you decided I’ve just gone bonkers? We need to replace those negative recordings with positive recordings! And I do that with my confirmations, and my videos and podcasts. Each morning find what time of day is best for you. Maybe in your car on your way to or from work?
I haven’t watched the news in years. There is so much ugliness in our world. So much of it, I can not change. The news makes me angry or mad or sad. It’s so hard to be positive in a cynical world.
In just what little I’ve been doing, I’ve already seen little changes within myself. Positive changes! And that feels good. I am starting to see my potential in things I do with my graphics, as well as my blog here. I am not stupid!! I am happy. Am I happy 100% of the time: No–but that is life. But I can change how I react to things in my life. Right now, I do a lot of walking away. But in time, I will learn. Remember, I mentioned in the title of my blog, that it is our time to learn something new? I want to learn. To be happy. To be more positive in my life. If you put negative out into the world, that is what you will get in return. I don’t want that in the second half of my life!!
If you’re game, join this new journey with me! We’ll take baby steps. It won’t happen overnight, that’s why I call it a journey. Let’s explore and decide what changes we want to make.
I listen to videos and podcasts in the morning. And say my morning positive affirmations. Sometimes even out loud when no one is around.
So, what will you do?? Let me know in the comments below. I would love to hear from you!!